For some, getting a job sort of just happens. A parent’s friend lands them an entry level position at their company, or they know someone who knows someone who gets them an internship that eventually becomes a job. 

For me, the process was always a bit more challenging. Every job and internship I’ve held has been the result of hundreds of applications submitted and rejected, connections established through working and networking, and risks taken through cold emails and coffee meetups. So when I decided I no longer loved what I was doing at my last job, I knew I needed to take matters into my own hands.

So I began looking for my second job, my first job since my first job. People say your first job out of college is the hardest to find, but for me, the process of finding my second job was equally, if not more challenging. It required me to think critically about what I had accomplished, and what I wanted to achieve. I thought about the skills I had acquired at my first job, and got creative about how I could transfer those skills to future positions.

It was time to begin the application process. 

I had been given cliche, and often vague advice from friends, mentors, and blogs. “Leverage your network,” they would tell me. “Tailor your resume and cover letter to the job you are applying for.” These were sentiments I had heard hundreds of times before. 

I soon realized the application process was much more nuanced, and much more complex. From the time I started seriously applying for a job, to the time I actually accepted an offer, it was six long, hard, months. After all, I was doing my full time job while simultaneously looking for another, which, let’s be honest, is a full-time job in itself. While these six months were stressful, emotional, and above all, extremely frustrating, it gave me insight into how to effectively navigate the job search. 

Here are a few things I learned. 

1. Compile a wishlist

Before I began seriously applying to jobs, I thought long and hard about what I wanted from my next employer. I knew I wanted a job that challenged me, a job where I could not only write more, but learn from other writers and editors. I knew I wanted a job that allowed me to experiment with creative ideas, and provide me with the tools and experience to put me on track to reach my career goals. 

I also wanted to work at a company that prioritized transparency and open communication, where I could feel comfortable challenging processes and vocalizing my ideas. And of course, I wanted to work for a company that would provide me with a competitive salary and benefits package.

By creating this wishlist of sorts, I was able to be selective during the interview process. I realized that while hiring managers were trying to figure out if I was a good fit for them, it also gave me the opportunity to find out whether they matched my criteria. No job, no company will be perfect, but creating a wishlist increases the probability that each professional experience is a positive one. 

2. Trust your gut

Three months into the job search, I had applied to hundreds of jobs and received more rejections than coffee shops in Manhattan. I continued to submit applications, and heard nothing from hiring managers aside from the automated, slightly condescending “We received your application” from human resources robots. Frustration was beginning to linger. I started to question my qualifications, skills, and experience. 

One Monday, I got the small boost of ego I needed to continue on. Two emails from two different hiring managers for two jobs I had applied for were waiting in my inbox. They each wanted to interview me. 

The first position, a data reporter job at a media nonprofit, seemed like the perfect fit. I would be working on a small team, doing work to inform news and media professionals about the trends shaping their industry. The first interview was a phone call with the man who would be my boss. He asked me about my experience, my career goals, and my interest in the position. I got a good vibe from him, and after I sent him my online writing portfolio, he invited me to come into the office for a second interview. I met him and two other people on his team, as well as the CEO, CFO, and VP of Human Resources.

A week later, I received a call letting me know I had gotten the job. I should have been thrilled. Instead, I didn’t feel much of anything. While I was flattered by the offer, I started to imagine myself going to this job everyday, and realized it just wasn’t right for me. I wouldn’t have been as challenged as I wanted to be, and there wasn’t much room for professional growth or development. Not to mention, I would have had to take a pay cut.

My gut was telling me to keep looking elsewhere, and I declined the offer. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but I realized if I was going to commit to a job where I would ultimately be working for several years, I wanted it to be a job I loved. 

This approach doesn’t work for everyone, namely those who are looking for a job after they have been laid off from a previous position. But if you are searching for a job while you are still employed, I recommend being selective about where you end up next.

3. Always ask for feedback (but don’t be surprised if you don’t get it)

The next interview I went on was for a content strategist position at a public affairs firm. I remember this interview clearly, because it was one of the most engaging and enjoyable interviews I have experienced in my professional career. I arrived at the company’s downtown office about ten minutes early, wearing a black dress and a forest green blazer. 

I was greeted by two middle-aged men in the type of casual attire that has come to define modern workplace fashion. One was a managing director at the firm, and the other was the Senior Vice President of branding and content marketing.

Sitting in a small room with these two men, who had years of impressive advertising and journalism experience under their belt, I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. It was like talking to two, real-life Don Drapers, minus the blatant sexism and alcohol addiction. 

Lucky for me, they were as eager to hear about my experience as I was to tell them about it. They asked me about my family, where I grew up, my college years, and eventually inquired about my professional work and long-term goals. They also gave me more insight into the role itself, and some of the projects they are currently working on. It felt more like a discussion between friends and colleagues than an interview. 

I received an email a week later informing me that I had made it to the next round of interviews. I was asked to complete a content skills test, provide a list of three references, and come in to give a presentation and meet the rest of the team. 

Things were getting serious. 

When I came in for round two, I spent the first hour with three current employees on the content strategy team. During the second hour, I presented my content exercise to the two men I had originally interviewed with. Before I left, they told me that they were deciding between me and one other candidate. 

I received an email a couple weeks later informing me that, while the team enjoyed speaking with me about my background and experience, they decided to pursue the other candidate. 

This was not just any rejection. This wasn’t just an email that I had received after sending my cover letter and resume telling me I wasn’t qualified. This was an email telling me that, despite getting to know me and my work, I wasn’t quite what they were looking for. 

Knowing that I was so close, that I had almost gotten the job, made this rejection especially difficult.

But instead of feeling sorry for myself, I turned my frustration into action. I reached out to the man who would have been my boss, the man who ultimately rejected me. I drafted an email with the subject line: “Request for Feedback.” This is what it said:

I hope this email finds you well. I understand that you have decided to pursue another candidate for the position of Content Strategist. While I am disappointed, I realize that there were some other very strong applicants. 

I want to let you know that I really enjoyed speaking with you about my skills and experience, and learning more about the work that you do. If you have a few minutes, I would love to get your feedback on what I can improve for the future. 

Thank you so much for your time, and should a similar position become available, I hope you will keep me in mind. 

I received the following response a day later: 

Tara,

Thanks for the note.

Would be happy to chat – next Wednesday for coffee, 10-ish?

So the two of us met up for coffee. It turns out he was impressed that I had reached out, despite the awkwardness of the situation.

He gave me useful advice about how I can communicate my ideas more thoughtfully and be more detailed in my approach to storytelling. I left feeling refreshed and ready to take on my next job application. 

It can be scary to ask for feedback. Nobody likes being told they’re doing something wrong. But the only way to truly get better, to take a look at yourself and analyze what you need to change, is to confront your faults. 

I began asking for feedback after every rejection I received. Sometimes it was helpful, sometimes it wasn’t, and sometimes I didn’t even get a response. But the feedback I did receive allowed me to make improvements I couldn’t have made alone. It made me a better interviewer, a better writer, and a more attractive candidate. 

4. If you don’t have the experience, do something about it

As I continued navigating the application process, I realized that I didn’t have the experience I needed for the jobs I wanted. Many of the jobs I was applying for required extensive writing and reporting experience that I did not yet have.

I had two choices. I could either continue applying to these jobs I wasn’t qualified for, or I could make myself a more attractive candidate by gaining the experience I needed.

I thought about where I wanted to be in five to 10 years, and what kind of experience I needed to get there. I began doing some freelance writing for a few publications, which helped me build up my portfolio and write about topics that I found interesting. This, of course, was a commitment. It meant I had to get up early and put in time at night after my regular day job. But it allowed me to enhance my writing portfolio with published samples I was proud of. And it helped me get my next job. 

5. Network

Okay, I know you’ve probably heard this one a million times, but that’s only because it’s so important. 

I’ll be the first to admit I am not a natural networker. I struggle to work a room, to find the right time to start and end a conversation, and to give people my business card in a natural and elegant way. But that didn’t stop me from stepping outside my comfort zone and doing it anyway.

Throughout the job application process, I attended just about every networking event imaginable: panels on how to succeed as a woman in the workplace, discussions about career paths for communications professionals, alumni networking events, you name it. I eventually realized that I found networking so difficult because I didn’t have the confidence to start a conversation. 

I began to challenge myself to talk to at least one person at every event. I initiated conversations with questions like, “Is this your first time going to one of these events?” Or “How did you hear about this event?” Sometimes, I even just went up to an attendee and simply introduced myself. I realized that once I started the conversation, the rest was easy. The hard part was being bold enough to approach a stranger with no idea what the outcome would be. The more I networked, the better I became at it. 

But networking events aren’t for everyone. I am an extrovert (or so says my Myers-Briggs personality test), so I understand that there are people who struggle much more with networking than I do. For those turned off by the crowds at networking events, there are other alternatives. 

One way to do this is to think about who inspires you. Perhaps it’s an engineer whose work you follow or a business professional you admire. Or maybe you search your dream company on LinkedIn and find someone who currently works there. If you can find their contact information, reach out and invite them to lunch or coffee. Most professionals will be impressed by the bold gesture. 

I once reached out to a critic at The Washington Post and invited her to coffee, with the expectation I would not receive a response. A few days later, she emailed me back saying that she would be delighted to meet me. We connected that week, and ended up talking for over an hour. It was one of the most valuable career discussions I had ever had with anyone. It can be nerve-wracking to cold email someone you have never met, but in the end you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. In the worst case, you don’t get a response. But in the best case, you come away with a connection, and helpful advice about how you can grow in your career. 

In addition to cold emails, many people are beginning to use networking apps. Like dating apps for business, these tools allow users to make connections online and ultimately meet in person. For instance, Shapr, a networking app known as the “Tinder for Business Relationships,” provides people a daily list of potential connections. They can see the person’s professional skills, past experiences and future goals. They can swipe right if they are interested in meeting them, left if they are not. If both parties swipe right, it’s a match, and the app allows people to message each other with the hope that they will eventually meet up in person. 

6. Apply for jobs you aren’t qualified for 

Hear me out on this one. You might be thinking, why would I apply to a job I know I won’t get? And yes, ladies, I’m looking at you. On average, men apply for jobs as long as they are 60% qualified, while women do not apply for jobs unless they meet 100% of the job requirements. It is part of a larger confidence gap, and it applies to everything from salary negotiations to public speaking. And as a woman, I catch myself falling into this trap more often than I would like to admit. 

However, applying for a position that you are not qualified for can help you learn about other opportunities. One thing I wish I had known a long time ago is that several companies hire for people, not positions. And some companies have more jobs open than they can advertise. In other words, if you apply for a job that you are not qualified for but you are an attractive candidate for another position, an HR manager may reach out to you to see if you are interested in a different role.

This is how I got my current job.

7. End on positive terms

Once you accept a job offer, you should give your current employer a two-weeks notice. These conversations can be awkward, but it is important to end on a good note, regardless of how ready you are to move on. Be humble, and thank your manager for giving you the opportunity to grow professionally. 

Every job, positive or negative, is a learning experience. You have the power to design a career that you love, it just takes a few extra steps to figure out what that is and how to get there. Once you do, the rest will fall into place. 

Originally published on LinkedIn